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Letter to Potential Post Institute Families
We are grateful for the opportunity to pen this open letter to you. We, along with our four children, completed Dr. Post’s family intensive in May of 2005.
To truly convey the impact this therapeutic intensive had on our family, it would be best to first share with you what brought us to Florida for parent boot camp and then on to Oklahoma for the family intensive from our home in Northern California.
In a word, it was quite literally desperation. Our family is composed of two birth children ages 6 and 9 and two adopted children ages 10 and 12. Our adopted children are siblings and came to us at ages 5 and 6, although they came to us almost three years apart. Our son (now 12) came to us at age five with an abundance of documented abuse and neglect in his wake. He was born tox positive and had severe emotional issues that put the health and safety of other family members at risk. At age 10 he entered residential treatment for 18 months in a final, desperate attempt to get him (and us) help.
Diagnoses included: Reactive Attachment Disorder, Generalized Anxiety, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Mood Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, along with various forms of ADD. If we were to give a ballpark figure as to how much money went towards therapy, treatment, and related expenses it would be well over the $100,000 mark.
Therapeutic interventions included play therapy, narrative therapy, EMDR, attachment therapy, family therapy, psychotropic medications, SPECT brain scans and home schooling, along with the full implementation of “take back the control” attachment models that included 100% line-of-sight supervision, alarms on doors, etc. Everything we tried seemed like a failed experiment at best that left us no better off than when we began.
Ronda quit her job to take care of our emotionally draining children. Our general health suffered, along with loss of feelings of joy and well being. We had lost all hope that our situation could or would change. When we were faced with the choice of bringing our son home from residential treatment or finding a permanent long term care for him, my husband found out about Dr. Post and the Post Institute.
We jumped in feet-first (so to speak) at Parent Boot Camp. We learned (and experienced) for the first time that the true underpinnings of our children’s behavior (and our stress) were trauma and fear. These two paralyzing co-creators of mayhem had destroyed our children’s ability to relate to others, define their own needs, seek comfort, and move beyond their severe abuse and neglect. After SEVEN YEARS in our home, our son was still paralyzed by his fear and my daughter was literally fighting for her very survival. We can honestly say that the parenting Boot Camp is the Adoption Orientation we wish we could have had before we ever brought children into our home.
Through the experiential workshop Dr. Post provided, we finally “got it”. Not only were we for the first time able to understand our children, but we were able to understand ourselves and one another on a whole new level. Parenting these children was traumatizing and magnified pre-existing stressors in our lives and relationships to new extremes. Also, being the non-adopted siblings of these children (and the children of stressed-out parents) had also further traumatized all of our kids. We needed a new understanding to change the way we engaged all our children and we needed healing to stamp out the fear that was so pervasive in our children and our relationships with them.
We have been home from the multi-family intensive for one month and things are very good. We have to work at it every day, but no one in the family is on any psychotropic medication and our one-on-one interactions are regularly warm and positive. Our oldest son is now living at home permanently and after failing fifth grade, he graduated from sixth grade with honors. He spontaneously smiles and last week, was thankful for the Slurpee brought to him at his soccer game. Our oldest daughter attended sleep away camp and spent most of her candy money on a phone card just so she could call home…she actually missed us! …and the other kids are calmer and safer in this new “gentler” atmosphere.
The family-intensive gave us as parents the ability to better understand all our children, to relate to their experiences, and connect with them like never before. We feel joy and hope for the first time in seven years, and a confidence that “we can do it!” What we learned from Dr. Post is understandable, makes sense, and it really works.
When seeking help for your family, don’t make this your last resort (like we did), make it your first. It will truly change your life, and the lives of your children …and God willing, future generations in your family. You can’t afford not to invest the time in this endeavor. Go For IT!! You truly do have everything to lose. Don’t let this opportunity slip by. You won’t regret it!
With deep gratitude and encouragement,
Bill & Ronda Evans
Chico, California